5: Julie Tucker talks about becoming an Australian Bush Essence practitioner and healer at the age of 40 years and losing her husband to suicide.
I remember coming home after the two days and I sit with my husband and to my parents you know and my kids were quite small at the time and I just said, This is what I'm here to do!
Last year Julie and her daughters world turned upside down when one day her husband walked away from their house and never came back. They later found out he had had committed suicide but never knew why. This interview is about how Julie has dealt with the loss of her husband. It will also take you back to when Julie just turned 40 and became an Australian Bush Essence Practitioner. How she saw orange balls in her bathroom one day vacuuming, and thought she had cancer, when she started to see and communicate with angels and become a healer, found out why her husband committed suicide by communicating with him after he had passed away, and later got concrete proof confirming it, and at the end, a holiday of healing with her girls in Hawaii where she meets Pale - the Hawaiian Goddess. Make sure you listen to the very end and have tissues close to you. You might need it.
In this episode Julie talks about:
• Julie losing her husband
• Men’s mental health
• Sexual abuse
• Australian Bush Essences and how it is working as a healer
• The Hawaiian spirit goddess Pale
• How to move on after you have lost a loved one
• Self-care and gratitude
Links and resources:
This is just a couple of links I have found, please let me know if you know of any other sites that could help people getting information and guidance.)
Book: Australian Bush Flower Essences, by: Ian White
(Julie mentions the author Ian White in the interview)
Book: Back from the Brink, by: Graeme Cowan
(This book was recommended in the podcast interview 02, I did withGeoff McDonald and thought it could be helpful)
Contact Julie Tucker: firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you so much for listening to my episode today!
If you would like to email me some feedback and people or topics you would like to hear on my podcast please do so at: email@example.com
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A big thanks to: Julie Tucker for joining me this week.
See you next time!
TRANSCRIPT, INTERVIEW WITH JULIE TUCKER:
Yenny: OK. Let's start.
Julie: Let's start.
Yenny: The interview today, I am sitting at the Deli Café on Lake Weyba. It's really nice gluten-free place her in Noosa and I am so excited because I am actually gonna talk to the person that’s kind of responsible for my like changing my life. I let her introduce herself first. So a couple of years ago, me and my ex, we moved to Eumundi and I was pretty down and I have my kids and so I was looking for someone to actually uplift me a little bit. So I started to go to this person and she's really changed my life and she is also one of the big reason why I started this project as well. So thank you so much for that. You don’t know that you know that’s how it is. So, I was wondering if you could introduce yourself, your name and what you do and where you from a little bit. So just yeah.
Julie: Okay. I'm Julie Tucker and I live in Noosa and I am Flower Essence Practitioner and a healer.
Yenny: Yeah. Thank you for that. Yeah I'm just gonna have coffee in between. So what is that? What is that you do? Could just explain a little bit?
Julie: Well, with flower essences I am a qualified practitioner. So I studied how to use flower essences to able to help people physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Flower essence is just an amazing tool to have because they won’t interfere with any medication that doctors might have you want and it's completely self-adjusting. So the other thing is that it always gets to a root of a cause whether it's physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. So you're actually healing causes not just the effect. So you're dealing with the emotion behind the physical disease.
Yenny: So, yes. So, you do that with also a healing aspect as well.
Julie: That's correct and that then, it means then that after the next few weeks after healing the healing continues more easily because you'er continuing to release the emotion behind the physical effect that you are suffering or the emotion imbalance.
Yenny: So you know you have flower essences but you also have healing aspect as well but how do it all start for you? Like, do you have it in your family?
Julie: Yeah. It is in my family. My mom is pretty psychic which she turned it off. So, she could always, she always knew where I was when I was a teenager so there was no hiding anything.
Yenny: Good or bad maybe.
Julie: Exactly. But it really scared her because she didn't understand her gift so she completely cut it off and my brother have the gift as well but he didn’t really recognise it too much and it scared him a lot because he would see things of the future that or know when someone had died because he had seen it in a dream and a lot of that he never even really told me until we were much older and then mine all opened up after my youngest daughter, Casey, was born.
Yenny: Okay. So, pretty late in life.
Julie: It was like a late bloomer.
Yenny: Yeah, late bloomer. And were you scared or were you like, "Oh. Wow!"?
Julie: I was scared shitless.
Yenny: Oh, you were?
Julie: Yeah because I did not understand it.
Julie: So it all happened after she was born and I think she really brought the gift through for me to open it up. So I was about just over 30 at the time and about 3 or 4 months after she was born I started to suffer from really bad anxiety and fear. I didn’t have any depression. It was just anxiety and fear and I had fears about everything and I couldn’t understand it because I never had it before and this went on for couple of years and then all of a sudden I started to realise that I'm not going to live the rest of my life like this. I had a choice. I realised then. I could either live my life in fear worrying about everything it could possibly happen in your life. Worrying about if I would be here for my kids as they grew up and I could manifest anything in 5 minutes because my mind was so strong. So, I realised then that I had a choice. I used to talk to my grandparents a lot because they had passed over and they used to help me a lot. I could always feel them around me. Helping me. And so, one day, I was in a really bad place and I was having anxiety all day and I can remember so clearly looking into the mirror and it was in my bathroom and I yelled at to my grandparent and I said, "Okay. I've had enough of these. You've got to help me get over this. What's all this meaning part?" and it was only within days of that I stumbled across flower essences and a lady in Cooroy who' still a really great friend, Kate, and she made me up some flower essences.
Yenny: And is that from Australia?
Yenny: Yeah. Okay.
Julie: The Australian bush flower essences and she made me up some essences and straight away everything started to change and my fears were getting less and less and then there was a course that was being run at Cooroy. It wasn't A-N-Y at the time.
Yenny: How was that?
Julie: That was amazing! I remember coming home after the two days and I sit with my husband and to my parents you know and my kids were quite small at the time and I just said, "This is what I'm here to do." So I started--
Yenny: I get goosebumps.
Julie: So I started the course and I learned by correspondents how to become a, you know, I become a practitioner and the funniest thing happened. I couldn’t afford the course. So my parents paid for it and on my 40th birthday in the mail exactly on my 40th birthday, I got a letter in the mail and it send, I was actually the first to pass the course because it was a whole new course. It was like--
Yenny: Was that with the new person or yeah?
Julie: It was with the A-N-Y. So, to be able to become a practitioner not by going to the college but by being to able to do it by correspondence and I had Marie Matthews. She edited Ian's books for him.
Julie: And so, Mary Matthews was my tutor. So we would just constantly emailing each other all the time. Beautiful lady. So she had no idea even on marking people because this was something brand new. Anyway, the 40th birthday present arrived in the mail and I opened up this letter and I had no idea what it was going to be and there it was and I passed with the distinction and I was a qualified practitioner. And I remember going up to mom and dad's place falling my eyes out 'cause I was so proud of myself and I was hanging on to this letter and mom looked at me and she said, "Darling, turning 40 is really not that bad."
Yenny: It was like your new life. Your new start. Yeah.
Julie: It was. So my 40th birthday was a whole new beginning of my life but what happened was, was in that--
Yenny: So, they're still a whole bout that for you under....
Yenny: Under 40.
Julie: But in that time of studying to be a practitioner, my spiritual gifts just opened up so rapidly and I remember clearly one day I'd been taking essences to open my spirituality more and I'd always been so open and there were no blockages with being able to be aware of spirit. I just wanted it all to come through and--
Yenny: It was too much? Was it too much they all came through?
Julie: It wasn't too much but I didn't know it would happened because I'd just gone through this huge period in my life where I have this extreme anxiety and fear and I remember these day so clearly I was vacuuming my house and you know you go into the toilet and it's dark because it's suddenly a small room and all of a sudden there were all of these orange bowls floating in the air and I thought, "Oh. My God. I've got a brain tumour." and I rang my naturopath up and I said to him, "I've got a brain tumour." and he said, "Okay, Julie. And what makes you think you've got a brain tumour?" and I said, "Well. Because there are orange bowls floating in my toilet." and he said, "Well, you better come out and we'll talk about this." and I went out balling my eyes out because I didn't want to die with brain tumour and he said, "Julie, I can assure you, you don't have a brain tumour." and I said, "Why are these orange bowls floating in my toilet?" He said, "Julie, I think you're seeing energy." and then really quickly--
Julie: So very quickly. Everything started to change my life and all my channeling abilities opened up.
Yenny: The brain tumour balls changed your life.
Julie: They did. They did. So very quickly, my life started to change and I was in starting to channel. I was able to see angels very clearly. They were coming to me at night and that's when I started to have all of these really amazing experiences at night where I'd be taking in to a different level of consciousness and angels would start talking to me and...
Yenny: How was your first experience with meeting an angel?
Julie: It was... it wasn't scary. I was never ever scared at all. Once I got over the orange bowls in my toilet, I never had a bit of fear. It was just, I was just in awe that they would actually come to me because I thought why would I be able to do this so but it just kept getting stronger and stronger and stronger and before I knew it, I would be able to see angels standing at the end of my bed with their wings and they would just talk to me and-- but very quickly Jesus came through as my closest guide and every single night when I go to bed at night and close my eyes, I would be able to see him so clearly and he's just continued to be my number one God. You know different Gods come through at different times because they always get different guides and angels that come through to help us at different times of our life but Jesus is the one constant that is always there.
Yenny: And are you a church person?
Julie: Not at all. Not at all. My kids I've never take them to church once in their life. Even though they went to a Catholic college in high school, it wasn't long that I remember clearly my eldest daughter saying to me about probably a month after she'd been at this college. She chose to go there and she said, "Mom. This religion stuff" she said, "It's crap!" she said, "They'd really think that you can give money to get rid of your sins." and she had it all sussed out in the first term. So, I just encourage her to take on what felt good and she really enjoyed a lot of the aspects of it but she knew what didn't resonate with her but I grew up going to Sunday school which I hated because I knew it wasn't meant for me but I've, you know, I go to church for funerals. I go there for weddings but church is in your heart, God is in your heart. You don't have to go anywhere. I'm in church all day so to speak but it's not church. It's pure spirituality.
Yenny: So, after the angels started to like coming to you live like a... what happened then like was that when you started to help others?
Julie: That's right. So, what happened then was very quickly I started to get a lot of clients and luckily I've never advertised. I have a really good friend who is a Naturopath and he started referring to people to me because I was healing him and it was all self-taught. I never had to go anywhere to learn how to heal because Jesus always guided me and the angels and guides that I had at the time always told me what to do when and always just guided me completely. So, everything is being so important and there's been a lot over the years that I, you know, that I've shared with my brother and he shares with me so we've been able to exchange energies. In the early days we kind of catapulted ourselves forward if you like quickly only because he had the masculine energy. I had the feminine energy and...
Yenny: You're not twins, are you? No?
Julie: No. And we were able to swap that over. So that allowed us to move forward and it was like I would get half of the equation and he'd get the other half because he's more, he works more I guess on the emotional side of things and he's got the incredible gifts with people with depression and yeah that's side mental illness. He's got an incredible gift for that whereas my gift is more on the physical healing as well but we still cross over. So...
Yenny: So do you remember the first person you helped?
Julie: Not really. There's a lot of...
Yenny: You got a lot of stories. Yeah.
Julie: There's a lot... there are a lot of stories and there's been a lot of miracles and things that even I thought weren't possible to happen in such a short time frame.
Yenny: Do you have any--
Julie: One of the ones that I think I always remember the most is it was the day before my husband and I were going to New York and a dear friend who was living in Mackay at the time, she phoned me up and she said, "I'm coming down for surgery. Can I have a healing before surgery?" I said, "Yes. You can. What's your problem?" and it was a Friday night and it was really quite late and she said, "I've got these fibroid in my uterus and it's..."
Yenny: A what?
Julie: A fibroid.
Yenny: What is a fibroid?
Julie: It's likely a benign growth.
Yenny: Oh. So, it's cancer? No? No.
Julie: No. It's benign.
Yenny: Oh, benign. Yeah. Okay.
Julie: So, it's not cancer. So it's like a tumour. It's like a benign tumour that's in the uterus and it was about the size of an orange.
Yenny: Oh, wow.
Julie: And she had continual period pain that type of pain and she had it for quite a few months. So, she had all the scans done and she had to have it removed. An operation was the only way also they thought. So she came to me on the Friday night and we started the healing on her and at that point I was not only doing my own healing but that's when I was just also learning how to do Qigong healing. It's the only time of my healing that I've learned other than from the angels.
Yenny: What is that Qi--?
Julie: So, Qi Gong is basically a way of being able to clear stagnation from the body. So, I started to learn Qigong. It was probably about a year prior to giving this healing to my friend and so we start about faith healing with all the guidance from Jesus and from all the angels and very quickly the pain started to release in my friend's body and then I started to bring some Qigong healing into it as well. So it's really pulling the stagnation out of the body, getting the energy flowing back through the body. This took about I guess an hour and a half all out and by the end of the healing she said, "I've got absolutely no pain left so I can't even feel it." So that was the Friday night and then I flew off to the states the next day and then I got a message from her on Monday and she said, "Julie, I think it's gone." she said, "I've still had no pain." She was due to have surgery on Wednesday. She said, "I'm gonna go and have a scan." So she booked in a scanning news to heal that day on Monday and there was no evidence of the fibroid.
Yenny: And she was gone with a mightier--
Julie: It's completely gone.
Yenny: Oh, my goodness.
Julie: It is completely gone. And so, she canceled the surgery and she never had to have it at all. So the fibroid was gone and I would say she probably heal herself by the time she left my house.
Yenny: Wow! That's amazing.
Julie: Yeah. But at least we had medical proof that within 48 hours it was gone.
Yenny: Wow. So you do some physical healing but also emotional like I came to you when I was little bit...
Yenny: I had a lot of anxiety and--
Julie: Yeah. That's right.
Yenny: And that's really like I had almost like you know I'm not like a... I don't know like believer or like but I didn't care. You know, for me it was more like, "Okay. I tried everything now." you know like okay I'm gonna go and see what happens and for me it's just being kind of like silk on my soul kind of thing.
Julie: Yeah. That's right.
Yenny: You know, it's really calm me down and made me confident. Do you have any other examples of people where the anxiety for example that you have helped?
Julie: Oh, look there are so many people that I've help with anxiety. Well, you know, I'm just a double adapter really. You know, the energy flows through me. But look, I've had hundreds of people with anxiety and fear and I think the great thing I love about being able to help people with anxiety and fear is because I've been through it. I know how debilitating it is and what I love is through what the angels and Jesus have taught me is how the usual mind and I think that is the key because your mind creates your reality.
Yenny: So, you help people. Also, they have to start to change in mind to complete as well.
Julie: Exactly. That's exactly right.
Yenny: They've gone to, "Okay. I'm fixed now." you know it's not...
Julie: That's right. And you know what the thing that helps you to change your mind the most is self-love because you have to get to that point and this is the point that I got to when I had my anxieties. You have to love yourself so much. This is what Jesus said to me. This is Jesus' exact word. He said to me, "Julie..." and I've never forgotten this "I want you to love yourself so much that you won't allow yourself to create what you don't want." and that's what I lived by. So whenever something in my mind where I can go into negativity or into fear, I can pull myself out of it now pretty much within minutes by remembering that because it all comes back to self-love. If I keep giving energy to that negative thought, I'm going to create it but if I turn it around to a positive thought I can also create what I do want in life rather than what I don't want in life and that all comes down to self-love, self-worth and belief in your ability to create what you want in life. You will have choices.
Yenny: Yeah. Oh, no for sure. So anxiety and then you also help a lot of kids as well.
Julie: I do.
Yenny: Does likely help my boy that was-- I couldn't sleep because yeah he's...
Julie: That's right. I love helping kids because they're so... they're just so open and the kids...
Yenny: Too often sometimes.
Julie: Yeah. And kids today is so evolved to what they were when I was a kid you know but there's a lot of pressure on the kids too I think these days you know to do so well and there's also, you know, there are some parents out there that pushed their kids too hard and put unrealistic expectations and that could transfer into a lot of anxieties and that but kids heal really quickly and sometimes it's just because they've picked up some negative energy from all the kids at school and from an environment because there's dense energy and there's negative energy everywhere and you've got to protect yourself from that negativity and that's what effects kids in most because they're not strong enough to repel it. So they absorb it. So it's important to be able to protect them.
Yenny: Do you have any like an example of any story you like in a child that you help that comes to mind?
Julie: Look, there's been so many with kids particularly kids who have you know that wet the bed at night as well just because of their anxieties but look there are just being so many kids with these. But like I said, most kids can get over it very easily with the essences and there's some healing.
Yenny: Is it easy to heal kids?
Julie: It is because they don't put up the blockages that adults do. We can block things with our mind whereas kids don't. They can usually one or two healings and they're completely better.
Yenny: It's so true.
Yenny: And from your... let's kind of move on to talk about Gary.
Yenny: Can you tell us a little bit what happened. Is it year ago?
Julie: Okay. So I lost my husband last year. He committed suicide and we had no idea at that time what his problem was. You know it was quite a... it was a traumatic experience for my girls and I as you can imagine because it came completely out of the blue and I never healed Gary. My brother had done some work on him but you know it's like the plumber with the leaky taps.
Yenny: Yeah. It's too close.
Julie: It's too close. Exactly. So I used to send him to different people. I would send him to counselling if he needed it but Gary always had a cloud I guess you could say. He was the most incredible husband and an amazing father just always full of love for me and for his kids but he always had these little cloud that never allowed him to be 100 percent happy. He had been working up north on an island which he was manager of an island which he absolutely loved and when he was made redundant, it really affected him because it sort of really you know it affected his self-worth and his self-belief and he became quite withdrawn I guess but he was still just him. He was still Gary, you know, and we really didn't realise how much he was suffering at that time and then one day he went for a walk and he never came home and we found him two days later and he had committed suicide and the girls and I asked ourselves so many questions about how could this happen. How could he leave us? And we just... it was just so distressing.
Yenny: So it was a bit surprise for you?
Julie: We were really surprised because he was a really strong person and like I said he was the most amazing father and incredible husband and this was a huge surprise for us and once we had got through the first 48 hours I guess with so much trauma and you know funeral arrangements and you know shock. It was the shock. It only took within a couple of days what really it was 24 hours and so many things started to happen with Gary's spirit. He was constantly around me. I could see his energy and I was able to channel him very quickly and there were so many stories that I can tell what happened in that especially that first week after he passed but when I started to channel him I said to him, "Why did you do this? How could you leave me? How could you leave your children?" I was so angry at him for doing this when he had such an amazing life to live still. He was only 56 and he said, "I just couldn't live with mental trauma anymore." and I said, "What are you talking about?" and he said, "Well, I've never told you this." and I said, "What?" and he said, "I was sexually abused as a child and I could never tell you." and I was in absolute shock but then I started to put a lot of pieces together that had been happening the weeks prior to him dying and I told the girls about this and they thought you know this does make sense but I had no proof. Who's gonna believe me that my husband is talking to me telling me that he'd been sexually abused, you know? And I told his brother who was very close with and he said, "Julie, this all make sense." but I still didn't have any proof. So then, I went to see a psychic who I'd been recommended to and I never told her anything and because even though I trusted my own channeling and what Gary was telling me, I wanted more proof. So I went to see a psychic and I never told her anything. I sat with her. I gave her my wedding ring and she said to me,"You've just lost your husband." I said, "Yes." "Just six weeks ago." I said, "Yes." And he took himself over. I knew I had the right psychic. She started to go through all the normal like, "He's so sorry and so forth". And I said, "Look, I know all this. It's not what I'm here for." I said, "I want to know why."
He told her then that he had never once told me that he'd been sexually abused. Then I had a second confirmation. But, still I didn't have any proof. So solid proof. A couple of months later then, I had a phone call from one of his co-workers who phoned me and said, "Julie, Can I come and see you?" and I said, "Sure you can."
He was very close to Gary. He said, "Look, I don't know the story of what happened. But I really need to know" because he was still in shock and it had affected him to such a point that he was struggling to live everyday because he was in so much shock with Gary passing.
So I told him everything that happened. I left nothing out. He said, "Julie, I need to tell you something." I said, "What is that?" He said, "Gary opened up to me just weeks before he was made redundant on the Island." He said they had been to the bar one night and had a drink. His friends said to him, "Is there something that you want to tell me?" He said, "Yes. I was sexually abused as a child for a long time. I've never told Julie once. I haven't told my family. I haven't told my kids." He said, "The trauma of what I deal with is really difficult."
So then I had the concrete proof that everything I've channeled was a hundred per cent accurate. What the psychic had told me was a hundred per cent accurate. Even though it didn't make his passing any easier, it gave me some answers because you go through so many questions of why and I realise that I am so blessed that I've got the ability to be able to communicate with my husband everyday. I see his energy everyday I feel that love and he helps me with my healings. I know I am truly blessed but you know what I want more than anything is that other men who have been sexually abused who can't tell their families what happened because the pain is so deep that they have to somehow find that strength to tell somebody.
I even phoned Gary's counsellor and I said, "Did Gary ever tell you that he was sexually abused?" He said, "Never." He said, "Men usually don't because I think it's going to be even worse when they express it." He said to me, counsellor said to me, "Sometimes it can be, but men have got to somehow find that self-love and that inner strength to be able to tell their families what has happened because that feeling that they have, that they have no self-worth, and they're better off if they're not here is just so wrong. It's a complete illusion. They just thought they're going to such a place of darkness. They don't understand what is going to be left behind for their families when they go."
Yenny: I'm at a loss for words. I think it's a very important topic as well. In everyday life.
Julie: It is because... exactly.
Yenny: Because men bottle it up as well.
Julie: I think... Gary was 56 and I think for his era as a child, it was so prevalent at that time, but nobody spoke about it. Whereas now, we talk about all the time.
Yenny: A little bit more...
Julie: But still, I have so many clients and so many men who have been sexually abused and their wives don't know. I'm just urging them all to speak out about it, to get the help that they need, because they can move forward from this. Gary has told me so many times since his passing, his biggest regret in life is not telling me. He could have told his brother who he was incredibly close with. He could have told anybody, but he never did.
Yenny: And you are the closest he had.
Julie: Exactly. I've known Gary since I was 13 and, it's hard for those who are left behind because you get a certain sense of betrayal and how could I be married to someone for 27 years and not know their deepest secret.
So I had to work through that and of course, with Gary's hep, I've been able to work through it. Yeah, it still comes up, but then, with the tools that Jesus and all my guides and angels give me, I'm able to turn it around.
Yenny: Maybe you could give me-- do you have any links to other places where people can call if anyone hears this. Places as well, people can call and get counseling.
Julie: I would just urge anyone to reach out even if it's a hospital, if it's a counsellor, to lifeline to anywhere. But just know that those feelings that you have, that you are worthless and that your family is better off without you because that is the common thread with suicide. Everyone I believe who suicides thinks that their family would be better off without them. Because they lose so much self-worth. They lose their dignity, especially because of abuse.
Yenny: Also, I think, you know, they men, they have to be strong.
Julie: Exactly. Exactly. Yes. But you know, the other thing too with Gary's passing is that I know without doubt and I have so much proof, not only from my channeling, but things that have happened that when our loved ones pass over, they're always with us. There is no separation. They're with us all the time, helping us, and guiding us. Like I said, there are just so many stories that I could tell you that happened in the weeks after Gary died that proved that the spirit lives on.
Yenny: Maybe we can do another interview in the near future, I would love to do that.
Yenny: That will be great.
Yenny: After this happened with Gary, I know that you and the girls had a really hard time, but for you to move on, you also went to Hawaii. Can you tell me a little bit about that?
Julie: We did.
Yenny: Why? Why did you go to Hawaii? How many girls do you have again?
Julie: Well I've got two girls, 23 and 20, Sam and Casey. One of the reasons we went to Hawaii was because we need to have a lot of healing. I'd just like to back a little bit and say. I was talking earlier about self-love and we have to have self-love in order to achieve what we want to achieve in life. I remember clearly about two weeks, I guess, after Gary passed, it was a Friday. The place had come to say that I was okay, which was just so lovely up in there, which is incredible. I had to pick up his ashes from the funeral home and that was the day his death certificate came.
It was a really shitty day. It was about three o'clock in the afternoon and the police had just left and yet I had his ashes there and I was so angry at Gary that day. I had to get out all the emotion that I had been bottling up for two weeks. I yelled and I screamed at him for about four hours. I was so exhausted. I jut flopped into bed and the next day, I literally could not get out of the bed. All of my friends were coming to see me. I said to them, "If you want talk to me, get into bed with me because I'm not getting out." I had a bed full of people. We're all sitting in my bed, drinking cups of tea, but I couldn't move. I was physically unable to move just because of the emotional experience the day before. That night, I'd had a few long conversation with Jesus and all my guides.
It was like, you know what, I can't stay in this place. I missed Gary so much, but you know what, I had to get over it, because I knew that if I did not I was going to make myself sick. I've seen it hundreds of times with my clients who haven't been been able to regain health after divorce or death of a loved one because it affects them so physically. So, I had a lot of healing and my brother helped me and honestly with my grief because he was healing me a couple of times a week. I just thought, "You know what, I love myself so much and I'm not going to stay here. I have to be healthy and happy for my kids because they're not going to be able to work through their grief if I'm always an absolute mess. I mean there are days when I would put on that facade, try and be happy for them but you'd still feel it inside. But I had to really pick myself up then. That's when I really used my mind, and started to be so grateful that I had 27 years of marriage with an amazing man.
You know, I just focused on the gratitude that you know. I have this incredible love in my life that some people search lifetimes for and never experience it. So I had to really use my mind to be grateful for this incredible man in my life. I could still see him. I could still communicate with him. That has helped me to start to rebuild my life. It's out of self-love and you know sometimes you only have to read a post on Facebook or something about someone who's experienced hardship and whatever it might be and think you know what, you've got to live everyday to the most that you can possibly live it.
Every morning, when I get out of bed I think, you know what? I've been given this gift of life, I'm not going to stuff it up. I'm going to use my mind to make it the best life that I can have. Then I thought, yes I'll take the kids to Hawaii and my youngest daughter wasn't able to go at the beginning, but with a little bit of coaxing from Gary and some divine intervention, she was able to come. So we went to Hawaii for two weeks and it was amazing that it's such a healing place. It also brought up a lot of emotion now as well. First overseas holiday without your husband, without their dad. There were times that were really tough, but it was also a start of like new beginnings in a way.
Yenny: You have mentioned before you went past this, it was a headdress or something like, no, there was a show or something that--
Julie: That's right.
Yenny: There was a moment.
Julie: We were in Maui and--
Yenny: Which city were you in? Was it Lahaina?
Julie: We were in Lahaina in Maui and we were just walking down the street. We're actually doing a little bit of Christmas shopping and looking for gifts for people 'cause it was just before Christmas. I can laugh about it now. This gorgeous little Frenchman, he came out onto the street, he said, "Let me show you some skin care." What the hell, why not?
So we were sitting in. It was like half beauty salon, half hairdressers. The hairdresser was on one side and we were on the other side. He was putting all this skin care on me and he had this mask on my face. The girls were sitting next to me and we were just talking about skin care. All of a sudden, one of the songs that we had for Gary's funeral came on the radio, "See You Again," the one that was written for Paul Walker when he was killed. All of a sudden, Sammy started to cry. Then my other daughter started to cry; and then I started to cry.
This hairdresser who was on the other side of the shop, she said, "What the hell did you say to those girls? They're bawling their eyes out!" This poor man, he was dumbfounded, he said, "I was only talking about wrinkles."
So I had to explain what had happened and they went to change the station on the radio. He gave us all a really big hug and we were in there for so long and he did pretty well out of me, actually. When we left, Sam looked at me and she says, "Mama, who would have thought buying skincare could be so emotional?"
Yenny: Ah, that was such a lovely story. I love it.
Julie: But it's like, you just don't know.
Yenny: Just little things.
Julie: You don't know when something's going to come up that you least expect it. You've just got to acknowledge what you're feeling. You can't stuff it down. You've got to let those tears flow because if you don't, you'll never deal with your grief. There was no way that I was going to be this muttering, Oh okay, I can do this. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to whatever. You have to acknowledge. You know, you can't have someone in your life-- Gary, we were married for 27 years. I've known him since I was 13. You know, it was three quarters of my lifetime that this man was a part of my life.
I had to honor that love that I had for him and cry the buckets of tears that I had but then you have to get to that point and think "okay, now I have to start living again." You never forget them. You never stop loving them. I know when I started to laugh again, something would happen and all of a sudden I'd laugh and I think, my God, I'm laughing. All of a sudden, I'd feel guilty because you're laughing. But that's what Gary wanted for us.
Yenny: How long did it take for you to get over that guilt? That cannot actually have fun because this applies to I think with people separation.
Julie: Absolutely. That's exactly right.
Yenny: Is there time limit? Would you say?
Julie: Everybody is going to be different. You have to honor what you're feeling, but from everything that Gary would say to me, he would say, "I want you to live your life. If you want to honor me, I'd want you to be happy." That's what he would say to me. If I started to get a twinge of guilt, then I'd remember what he says and that is, "I want you to live your life. Don't stop living because of me." The other thing too is that he said to me so many times. He said, "I'll always be with you."
Because I can see his energy so clearly around me and he's always going to have dog with him, I know that he is there. I'm trying to live my life so he can live through us as well. Because when we went to Hawaii, he was there with us. He was standing on a paddle board with me, trying to keep me stable, but then he forgot that he wasn't human and pushed me off. [laughter] He was there with us all the way. So by him experiencing life through our hearts, he can still experience what he's missing out on by not being human.
That's what I try to remember. The more I laugh, the more the girls laugh, the more he is laughing and being at peace. If we're constantly crying, and being in a place of grief, it's stopping him from moving on and being at peace. Because he has regrets with what he did, he had choices and he took that choice and we can't change that. Nothing is going to change it. By me, talking about his abuse and that's why I have no qualms in telling my friends, in telling clients, I'll tell someone in the [inaudible], I wouldn't care. Because as I tell Gary's story, it's helping him to heal. Because it's something that he never had to be ashamed of.
Yenny: So how do you move on? Like, I know... Did you want to say anything about what else happened at Hawaii? Or do you want to take that another time, maybe?
Julie: When I was in Hawaii, I was there for healing. That was my number one priority. Healing for myself and of course to let the girls have a good time. Spoil them with whatever they wanted, you know? It was an investment in our happiness. That's what it was.
Yenny: That's a good way of saying that.
Julie: So, I didn't care about how much anything cost. It was about having a damn good time. So we just splurged on whatever we wanted. But there was one particular day we had this lovely tour guide Kelly who was a native to Oahu, and she was taking us up to North Shore where the Pro-Am was on.
Yenny: What is that Pro-Am?
Julie: The surfing competitions.
Yenny: Oh what is it called?
Julie: We were just going up this road and we're in a minibus and they went a lot of us in it and all of a sudden my body started to shake. I thought what is going on here? The energy and the vibration was just ridiculous through my body and I go okay something big is happening here. I pretty much turn myself off spiritually when I got to Hawaii, I said to all guides, "I'm on holidays"
Yenny: You need holidays.
Julie: No channeling. Exactly. But I said, I want to connect to all the energy of Hawaii that can help me with my healing whether it's for myself, my girls or for my clients. Let me connect to it all, but I'm on holidays. So, we're going up this little mountain, and I'm sitting in this minibus and I'm feeling like an Eveready bunny, I'm just vibrating through my whole body. My body is just tingling with energy and I, "Okay, something big is happening here." Within probably a minute, our tour guide said, "This area of Hawaii is a home of Pele, the Hawaiian goddess."
I've channeled Pele many, many years ago, and I knew I've heard the strength of her energy. This went on for hours and hours. When we went to Maui, the same thing happened again. So I just asked to receive all her healing, all her energy and I'd integrate it all in a when I get back to Australia. The a first night that we got home to Australia, she came through me that night. She had this beautiful lei around her head, a purple lei, she had purple leis around her neck.
She's all dressed in gold and yellow, she passed on to me all of this healing energy and her strength. That then comes through in my healings, but it's also given me the strength to rebuild my life and to find that happiness again and to just being grateful for being alive.
Yenny: Wonderful sharing. I'm just sitting here.
Juulie: You felt her energy and so many of my clients have. It's an energy that-- it's such a strong energy and particularly for females because she's here to help empower us.
Yenny: I was going wrap up the interview now. As I said before, I would love to interview at another time as well about certain things, maybe we talked about and more about your practice like what you do as well. More go into depth with that. Also, just to mention everyone listening and reading the blog as well, I will put like links in the show notes and in the blogs as well that might be helpful for you guys. Every interview and with asking the person that I interview, if you could share of an every day self care or self love, things that you do just for your self, everyday or every week.
Julie: The main thing that is the most important thing is to remember your thought patterns. Your thoughts create your reality. God said to me once, God is an androgynous energy, not male, not female. Quite often we will say he, but hmm, God said it to me one, When you turn your back to the light, you'll never shine" That's something that I always try remember because when you turn your back to all the good in life, and you focus on the negative, you'll never move forward.
Yenny: So that's what you try to do every day?
Yenny: What do you do to achieve that?
Julie: I just remember how incredible life is. We have a choice to what we think and how we want to observe the world, so, just use your thoughts to create what you want in life and have self love and self worth and you'll always create what you want to in life.
Yenny: With that, I'm going to end the interview. It's been an honor to actually been talking to you, Julie. I really hope it's been beneficial to the listeners as well, so thank you so much for that.
Julie: You're welcome.